In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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