I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
