It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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