halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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