Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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