Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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