She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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