So drunk its hurt
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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