It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
