What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
