If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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