Your dad touched me again.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
