Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
