screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
