If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
