so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
