If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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