i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
