i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
