it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize