wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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