I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
