I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
