i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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