sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
