Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
