Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
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I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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