can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
