Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
