The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
