I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Blood and glitter go together right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
