were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
