Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
