just tell him i said nine months
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
