He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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