i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
