just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
