Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
