Im at strip club and am horny
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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