So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
