They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
