a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
