did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
