Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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