The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
too bad you live with your parents still
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
