you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
