the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
