If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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