I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
