dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
