problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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