Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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