You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
