woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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