hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
