I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
