I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
