talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
