I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
