Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
