If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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