so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
