I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
