I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My breath smells like gin and sadness
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
