hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
