Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
