Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
