So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
