don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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